Death and Friendship
by Demonic Host
Summary: In a world that he thought he would finally be happy there are still some things he never wanted to happen. And the only thing he has left is a friend who had tried to tell him that everything he feared would come to pass.


**Death and Friendship**

The wind slowly shifted through his hair as he leaned against a tree. He watched as his ashy heart was lowered slowly into the ground and he watched as his family mourned. He could feel the lines of age in his soul but it never showed on his face. His eyes glossed over and heated as he clenched his fists.

It had been all his fault. He had only tried to give her what she wanted. He had only tried to give her the life she deserved. But his friend had tried to tell him that it was dangerous. His friend and tried to warn him that this might happen. He didn't listen, he didn't want to hear it and neither did she.

He had thought that it was just an exaggeration. He had thought it was just his friend playing it cautious but now he knew different. It had taken years to come about but it had finally happened. It had taken him years to give her the dream she wanted. But it had only taken less than a year for the worst to happen.

And he couldn't take it. He couldn't deal with this anymore. He had watched her die, slowly and painfully. He had watched her grieve for their loss and he had watched her fear the future. He had been with in her that. He had feared, he had grieved, and he felt the same pain. But it was different than hers.

He was different than her.

And that had been another word of advice he had gotten.

But this time he didn't even let her know about it. He thought it was a joke to scare him. He had thought so many things. But they had all come to pass.

And he still only looked twenty damn it!

But his heart and his real family was gone. He was alone all because he didn't listen. He was dead inside because he was too damnably stubborn to listen! And now his wife was dead. Now his heart was in ashes and buried below the ground.

The ground was blurry as his eyes continued to produce the moisture he never wanted. He tried to force it back as he clenched his fists. It was his own damn fault so he didn't deserve to let it out. He didn't deserve to cry the tears she couldn't. He didn't deserve the life she didn't have. And he didn't deserve the kindness of last words as he watched Botan guide her off.

"It's alright to mourn Yusuke."

He spun around to see the familiar crimson hair and emerald eyes of his friend he had almost broken ties with. It was the very same friend that had tried to warn him. The very same friend he kept getting mad at for those same warning. And it was the very same friend that he had started to hate when everything went down the way he said it would.

"What...what do you want Kurama?"

"I wanted to make sure you wouldn't try something you'd regret later Yusuke."

"Too late," Yusuke said as he swallowed. "Why didn't I listen to you?"

"Because you were hoping for something better."

Yusuke let out a broken laugh. He knew that his friend was right. He always was. He had been way too optimistic about the whole thing. Ever since he had come back from Demon World all those years ago he had wanted nothing more than a normal life with the girl he had loved for the longest time. And she had wanted that too. He had been so _stupid_ to think it would work out the way he had wanted.

And because of his selfish dreams Keiko had lost a child, he had lost the child, and she had slowly died because of her grief. He had killed her because he wasn't like her. He had killed her because of what he was.

"You know, those spirit detectives from a while ago were right."

"No they weren't Yusuke."

"Yes they were. I am evil. I mean I just killed Keiko because I didn't want to listen to you. I killed Keiko because I'm a demon..."

"It wasn't your fault Yusuke," Kurama said as he sat a hand on his friends shoulder. "It's just...how life played out."

Yusuke shrugged off his hand angrily. "You don't get it! How could you get it? You love your mother but you haven't had anything bad happen to her. You're not going to watch her die the way I did with Keiko."

"You're right, I'm not," Kurama said easily and paused. "But how old do I look Yusuke?"

"What's that got to do with anything?" There was hurt and anger in his voice, so much negativity clouding his mind that Kurama could almost see the death wish behind those earthen eyes of his.

"Answer the question and you'll see."

"I don't know...thirty I guess..."

"In this life I'm forty. In my past life I lived over two thousand years. One slip up, one mistake of my control and my mother will see all the lies I've fed her. I've already taken ten years off of my outward appearance by accident. How many years do you think it would take for her to understand?"

"You're not making any sense Kurama," Yusuke mumbled as he turned away from his friend. "I'm getting out of here. I guess...I might catch you around."

Kurama's facial expressions didn't change much as he watched Yusuke walk away. His friend, and former Spirit Detective, didn't get very far before he ran into the person he had thought he had left behind. Yusuke looked up slightly into a pair of very serious green eyes.

"You need to understand something Yusuke. I tried to tell you this when you started your serious relationship with Keiko--"

"I don't want to hear it," Yusuke said as he shoved at his friend's shoulder.

Kurama held his ground and put his hands on Yusuke's shoulders. "Stop acting like a child and listen."

"No! No!" Yusuke denied. "Don't you get it? Keiko's dead! I killed her! I don't want to listen anymore Kurama. I don't want to do anything. I don't even deserve to live. How come I get to come back from the dead twice and she can't?"

"That's the way the world is Yusuke, it's not fair," was the response out of the older, red headed male. "But I _know_ that Keiko would not want you to give up. She did love you Yusuke, she loved you despite the fact that she knew what was going to happen just like I did. She was scared at first but she loved you enough to see past the differences to the person she had grown up with."

Yusuke stopped his small struggles at those words. It chilled him deep down inside. Sure he knew that Keiko had known he was a demon, that he was dangerous, but he hadn't actually told her very much about it. He actually didn't know much about that side of himself anyway so he didn't see the point in giving her the information he did know.

But Keiko had been a smart girl. He should have known that she would have gone to the person who would know. He should have guessed that she would have asked Kurama the questions that she was fairly sure he didn't know. Hell he should have been the one to ask them in the first place. After all it was his body...but then again it had been hers too.

He had given her everything he could. His body, his mind, his heart, and his soul...but he hadn't been able to give her his life. He would have outlived her by a long time anyways even if she hadn't died an early death. He would have had to watch as she turned into an old hag while he just continued to be the same.

Hot tears slipped down his face as he backed away from the one figure that always seemed to make him feel so much like a child. Kurama's face, even though it was older than his, just reminded him of everything that had happened in the past. He watched as Suzaku almost had Keiko killed, he watched as the year passed by and he was in the Dark Tournament, and he watched the toll it must have taken on Keiko when he didn't come back from Demon World for almost four years all in his mind's eye.

There was so much time he had lost with her just because he was out saving the world. There was so much time missing just because of the fact that he had needed, wanted to get stronger so he could continue the fight. And there was so much time he'd never be able to get back.

He could practically hear the funeral goers leaving. He could hear the sobs of his mother-in-law as she mourned the death of her only child. He could even hear the sobs of his own mother as she drunkenly stumbled away.

"Does it ever stop hurting?"

"I won't lie to you Yusuke...the loss of someone close to you never really goes away. It will fade a bit when you learn to cope with it. Or you can try and forget all about it, to push it aside and kill yourself on the inside. Sooner or later you won't feel it that way, but then again if you take that path you won't feel much every again."

"I don't want to feel..."

"Don't say that Yusuke...you know that's not true. You're much too pure a heart to travel down that road."

Yusuke looked up as he tried to piece together whatever strength he still had. All the muscle in the world wasn't going to help him out of the situation this time.

"Can...can't I do _anything_?"

Kurama sighed and nodded. "You can live Yusuke. You can live to see her again."

The former spirit detective stood up straight with a look of shock on his face. "How?"

"Humans get to be reincarnated. I don't know how long it will be for Keiko's soul but there is a way to keep track of it and find her and remind her of her past, of your shared past before she starts to experience new memories in a different life."

"How do you know all of this?"

Kurama gave a slightly bitter smile. Yusuke blinked as he watched his friend step forward and change at the same time. Years seemed to melt off of his face but very slowly, oh so very slowly.

"I've lived through too many centuries to not know of the way a system works. It's why I know that the path of forgetting is the wrong one."

"How...how did you do it?" Yusuke whispered, the question holding a double meaning.

And then the change was complete. All the years that had swept over Kurama since the day Yusuke had come back from Demon World to live in the Human world were gone. His red hair was silver and his eyes were gold. There was a tilt to his face that held much more arrogance than Yusuke was used to from his friend. All the features of the once hardened, merciless thief Youko Kurama bore down at him.

"With help."

"Why did you...?"

He couldn't finish the sentence. He knew what Kurama had just given up in the split second decision. Even if he wanted to go back to his human form it wouldn't matter. Shiori would be frightened by the fact that her forty year old son looked just like he had when he graduated from Upper High School. In the simple act of transforming Kurama had given up his family and possibly his future in the Human world for him.

"Because Yusuke...you're my friend."

"Thanks."


End file.
